The Strongest Chains Are The Ones You Forge Yourself

Life is a journey, and along the way it's possible to lose sight of the path. Over time, as I've worked on self improvement I've shed negativity and misdirected anger like a snake shedding its skin.

With one notable exception. I chose to harbor negative feelings on one subject and express them frequently. All of us have a pet subject or two that we're unwilling to relinquish. Like heavy boozing, being mean for its own sake can be fun and entertaining. However, like heavy drinking, it takes a toll, albeit a psychological rather than a physical one.

Over time, the cumulative effect of hanging on to that bitterness added up. I began to notice it tarnishing my psyche in other aspects of my life. Opportunity, previously abundant, declined. Good decisions were replaced by bad ones. By nurturing bad feelings on one single subject, I was harming myself in many other ways. Much like probing an abscess or a sore tooth brings brief satisfaction, leaving it unhealed only spread the sickness further.

Sometimes the obvious lessons are so obvious, and so right in front of you that it's hard to see them. Once I realized the damage I had done to myself, and begun to heal, the positive changes began to add up almost instantly, on every level of my life. Now that I've found the path again, it's so obvious I can't believe that I didn't see it before.

Now that I've set myself free from shackles that I created for myself, I can look back and recognize how badly I had limited myself by holding on to bad feelings that didn't benefit me in any way. Now it's time to make up for time wasted on unfruitful pursuits, and keep moving forward.

Now Say Something Positive

The fact that negativity is rewarded in society is self-evident to anyone who can turn on a television or read a gossip website. It's pervasive, and we're all encouraged to be that way, pretty much all the time.

It's pervasive, because society rewards it, by and large. From Perez Hilton, to the unprivate woes of the Jon and Kate Plus 8 couple, it seems like we all love to hate.

I know personally, the blog posts I've made at LeeDistad.com that say snide things about business issues get far more traction than the ones that don't. Like the food critic in Ratatouille said, it's often fun to be negative and mean for it's own sake.

Don't forget that a little cynicism is healthy. Certainly, it doesn't hurt to be unafraid to point out to someone that they're pissing on your leg and trying to tell you it's raining.

But how much is enough? If you're a bottomless pit of cynicism, how are you going to enjoy life at all? Who even wants to spend time with you if everything out of your mouth is a critique?

Like all guilty pleasures, negativity is something that you have to enjoy in moderation. If, like booze, you feel powerless over it, maybe the best thing you can do for yourself is abstain.

Another alternative, is that if you indulge in negative commentary, follow it with something positive. Say to yourself, "Now say something positive." Much like a palette-cleanser between courses, refocusing on positivity will help get the taste out of your mouth.

All You Have Is Yourself

Looking to outside sources for joy and happiness is a transient boost. Yet so many people surrender responsibility for their own happiness and look to things that they don't have to make them happy.

Instead of choosing to be happy right now, they think "if only I was five pounds lighter" or "if only I had that new watch" or "if only I had some more money."

Sentences that start with "if only" never do you much good. Inevitably, people who are locked into an "if only" mindset end up on a hamster wheel, and never reach their desired destination.

Believing that your happiness is dependant upon things is much like the sugar rush that comes from eating too much candy. It feels great for a brief time, but then it's gone, and you're worse off than you were before.

Years ago, in conversation a girl who worked for me outlined the list of cosmetic surgery procedures that she had planned out. Without exaggeration, she had mapped out a full head to toe surgical renovation of herself. Because I was more of an asshole than I am now, when she finished itemizing every body part she intended to "fix," I couldn't resist asking "And then you'll be happy, right?" Oblivious to my sarcasm, she nodded like a bobble head and said, "Oh, yes!"

Really, if you haven't chosen to be happy on the inside, regardless of what surrounds you, adding more stuff onto the pile isn't going to do it. More likely, you'll be just as empty inside as you were before.

Decide today that you deserve to be happy, and that you aren't dependant upon other people, places or things to make you so. If you have exigent circumstances in your life that are problems, figure out how to fix them, and move on. Don't end up on your death bed in old age thinking "if only..."